This has been an incredible weekend so far! Friday I had an opportunity to get to know someone new. After some chaotic moments, things settled down and the fun happened. Finally, we had the chance to have some really great conversations in a peaceful place. What a fun evening!

Yesterday I got to go on an awesome hike with some equally awesome friends. Of course my camera was with me, and I was able to snap one of my best pictures yet! Then I just chilled at home for quite a while. It felt good to be lazy.

It wouldn’t be a good night without stopping over to visit my neighbors, Joe, Hollie, and Adie. It’s crazy when you think about until December 31, 2012, I had never heard of the Beattys. A few months later, they let me be a guest in their home for a week. After numerous visits since then, I am now considered part of their family!

Today began with a Fast and Testimony meeting. For the second month in a row I came with no intentions of speaking, yet that fire inside got me up to say a few inspired words both times! This morning I spoke about my testimony of praying for inspiration of what Heavenly Father wants us to do instead of begging him for what we want. The main point I was making was letting go of those who have completed this Earthly journey. After losing Mom in 1992 and Dad in 2006, I have become quite familiar with the grieving process and have learned to find peace and happiness in time. I was urging others to appreciate the lessons / blessings we have from those we lost and to hang onto them instead of hanging onto wanting them back. Then my day was turned upside-down.

A young woman in the congregation was touched by my words. She recently lost a friend due to some sad circumstances. Not long after my talk she took her turn. It is not often that death is brought up during Sacrament / Testimony meetings in the LDS Church. I happened to be softly locking my fingers together on my lap. Her testimony of listening to the promptings of the Spirit touched me so much that I had begun squeezing my hands together. Needless to say, we had an incredible talk once Sacrament was over. I am grateful that we have been able to enter each others’ lives!

As a new member, I was finally set apart for my first calling. I am now the Photography Specialist in the McQueen Ward. My original responsibility was pretty simple. I have been coming up with some incredible ideas on how I may really magnify this calling and bless others!

Right after that I stopped over by my friends, Mike and Elizabeth. Mike had offered to help me start my family history. After losing contact with most of my family and not having parents to turn to for help, I realized that with the tools available to Church members, I was able to find some incredible resources about my parents!

Right after that, I have been honored to finally receive my Patriarchal Blessing! Some things that were said really touched me, as you might expect. There were some things I really believed would be mentioned, but I guess I will have to seek my answers through personal prayer.

Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I become sad. With weekends like this, I have to keep reminding myself of these times. Those rough times have come. They will come again. You just have to have faith and remember that these wonderful times will come again!

Love,

Here’s a new hypothesis that I just came up with, inspired by many couples I know. This is not aimed at any one person in my life. Furthermore, this is only written from a male point-of-view, as I have not really thought about the obverse situation.

For the majority us men tend to look for ladies that remind us of our mothers, and ladies look for men that remind them of their fathers. Especially during the teenage years, eventually there becomes some conflict with the father-daughter relationship. If that relationships have been severely damaged and they never forgive their fathers, very often those ladies will struggle to get close with any guys they date / marry or may even sabotage their relationships.

If the guys they date / marry do mean things to them at any point in the relationship, then the ladies have a reason to validate their belief that their boyfriends / husbands are just like all the other men: jerks.

As we are all human, we are all bound to make mistakes and do things we wish we never did. However, if these ladies are never able to forgive their fathers *and* their boyfriends / husbands make drastic improvements, these ladies will find ways to sabotage these relationships. Gone are the bad guys. The challenges to find the “jerks” and turn them into nice guys is gone. Since they never changed their way of being, these ladies will still never believe that their boyfriends / husbands, just like “all” men, are jerks.

I understand I am being very bold by sharing these thoughts. I also understand that I am not a therapist, so I have no proven information to back this up. These are just thoughts that go through my mind throughout my day. The point of this post is to express my deep desire for each of you to do anything possible to heal your relationships with your parents, regardless of who may have caused any problems. If you love your parents, you will stop at nothing to see the completion of this goal. This may very well save your own marriage.

Love,

So much has happened since my last post. I almost do not even want to write this. I miss writing so much. I have barely written in my journal. I used to write daily. I have barely touched Bonds That Make Us Free or Daring Greatly. I have barely picked up my camera. I have barely gone hiking. My performance at work has not been as good as normal.

Recently so much has happened in my life. After just under three years of investigating, on June 1, 2013 I was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. From what I learn from the Church, The Arbinger Institute, and Brené Brown, I have been blessed with an immense sense of clarity. My mind has been able to process solid solutions very quickly. I am able to finally really listen to people. Sometimes it even means dismissing the words coming out of their mouths and instead focusing on what I hear coming from their hearts.

After all this great stuff, I have continued to avoid doing the things I want to do. To learn a bit more, please check out this post from Forward Walking about self-sabotage. Also, Brené Brown talks about this a lot when discussing the topic of shame. “You are not good enough to make those sales.” “You do not deserve to write in your journal or blog.” “You do not deserve to spend some time to get your dishes or laundry done.” This is killing me. What good is it to have all these great gifts and clarity if I am going to toss it away by not honoring what makes me happy?

I am selling myself short. I can be making more money. I can be putting aside time to plan meals and finances. I can go out shooting pictures. I can go out hiking. I am not reading. I am not writing.

It seems like reading and writing is what fuels my soul. I need to just stop all the running around.  The lyrics from More Love by The Dixie Chicks come to mind:

We’re afraid to be idle
So we fill up the days
We run on the treadmill
Keep slavin’ away
’til there’s no time for talkin’
About trouble in mind
And the doors are all closed
Between your heart and mine

Today is June 16, 2013. Today I stop choosing to hold myself back from the things I want. Great. I have been able to be very giving to others. I am useless to them if I do not do good for myself. I will have nothing to give to others if I am not whole.

Either I am going to do this 100% or just give up, and I am not exactly in the mood to give up!

Love,

This is a follow-up to We are Afraid to Do What is Right. Tonight I was listening to a talk at Church. I really do not remember what the immediate subject was, but I was thinking along the lines of my last post. I was thinking how when people get mad at someone else for doing something that was bothering them, they usually say something like, “I’m gonna give him a peace of my mind!” If these people follow through, usually an argument or sometimes even a fist-fight is the result.

We know this happens all too often. Most of the things I discussed in my last post were about us having the fear to say what we really want to say deep down inside. This reminds me of when I was going to school for an education degree and I had to take a behavior modification class. This one story / analogy sticks out so strongly and will never escape my memory.

We all have been in the store where we see kids asking parents for candy, a toy, or some other special treat. Sometimes the parents give in right away. Sometimes the parents say no. In certain situations, the kids may start making a scene in an effort to get what they want. Eventually the parents either give in to avoid any chaos or get caught in the trap of anger.

One of the best ways to avoid this situation altogether is to proactively set rules and resulting consequences for when those rules are broken. When you go into the store, set the expectation that you are going there to buy A, B, and C. Good behavior will be rewarded accordingly. That way, when your kid wants you to buy D, you can reiterate that you are there to buy just A, B, and C. Acting inappropriately would result in not earning your kid’s reward. Respecting his / her agency to do the right thing is the best thing you can do.

If you do not take the time to set these rules beforehand, you do not have a plan should there be a problem. Many times kids will just keep pushing harder and harder to get what they want. Once you give in, they will know your breaking point. They know eventually you will give in again. They would rather put up with you being upset and get their “reward” instead of getting nothing and honoring your request. It is not because kids are inherently bad; they are simply testing the waters, as kids naturally do.

Of course, certain things just happen so quickly before we can chose the proper or best-fitting course of action. Please take a moment to watch this awesome video.

In this powerful story, Chris Williams shares how he already decided ahead of time how he would react or act in certain situations. Of course we are not psychic, but we can at least plan ahead in a general sense. If someone bumps his / her shopping cart into me in a store, I would chose to keep calm. Most likely the other person will apologize, and we could be on our way. Had I not planned my general way of being, I would have most likely started yelling, swearing, and blaming the other person. That fist-fight might even break out!

Chris has lost his entire family. What would most of us have done? Look deep inside yourself. Could you honestly act the way he did? Think about what could have happened. Chris could have been resentful and hateful towards the young man driving the other car. He would then have to carry around that pain.

Of all the lessons I have learned in life, one of the most important is learning to let go of the past. There is not a thing I can do to change what has already happened. If I break the screen on my phone, I have two logical options. I could either deal with the messed-up screen or get a replacement screen. No magic wand will go back and undo that damage. The quicker I let go of the pain, the quicker I can allow myself to resolve the problem. My old ways of screaming and swearing never got my problems resolved any quicker.

I began this post with a less-optimal result of an undesired situation. Again, we crave peace, connection with others, and happiness. Of course, conflict makes us unhappy. For some reason many of us resort to what in the moment seems the easier way out. The results are almost never good.

Let us imagine another scenario. I know I need to leave home by 5:40 AM if I want to get to work on time without running last minute. I might start driving faster than normal in an effort to not be late to work if I had left a few minutes late one morning. This happens to be the day that I get behind someone driving a few miles per hour under the speed limit. So many of us might get angry inside and even start venting our frustrations. In the unhealthiest of situations, road-rage is the result.

Maybe this guy was recently in an accident and wants to drive a little slower just to be safer. Maybe he just got pulled over for speeding the other day and wants to avoid another ticket. Maybe his wife recently passed away and is just really mellowed out. To understand what I am getting at, I want you to look at this graphic from The Arbinger Institute.

We all have feelings. We all have certain things that make us happy, scared, hurt, sad, and angry. We all can get emotional at times. We all have our good times and bad times. However, we usually get so wrapped up in what is on our mind that we fail to pay any attention to our fellow man’s needs.

No one is saying you have to go over to this guy’s house, cook his dinner, do his laundry, and mow his lawn. Just treat him how you wish a stranger would treat you. This is not just some self-help garbage that someone is just trying to shove down your throat. As I have discussed previously, we just get caught up acting how we see others instead of following our heart.

Next time someone says something to you that really ticks you off, stop and think about things before “give[ing] him a peace of [your] mind.” Having a bad day gives no one the right to say hurtful things to you, although you still can chose to be empathetic. Maybe this person just did not know how to get the point across without sounding hurtful. Maybe this person has no idea that he hurt your feelings or angered you. Is this really worth fighting over? Can this be resolved in a more peaceful manner?

Flip things around. Next time someone does something that really gets your blood boiling, try to take a moment to think about what best to say. Try to imagine various scenarios where this person upset you by accident. Also try to consider that this person just does not know any better. If that is the case, maybe you could instead offer to help this person improve himself in some way.

Ultimately, we all want peace, love, respect, and happiness; you are lying to yourself if you can find any way to disagree with me. If this is really what you want, do what you can to avoid veering off your path. Do what you need to do to speak from your heart and truly “give[ing] him a peace of [your] mind.”

Love,

All too often I notice people making things harder for themselves than they have to be. We all know what we really want deep down inside, yet we chose to betray our desires and do the opposite. This is called self-deception. For so long I did just that. Now that I am doing certain things they that truly makes me happy, at times I feel like a total outcast. Most people I know act the total opposite, and I feel like I weird them out when I do it.

We are so often too afraid to be true to our heart in our dealings with others. Brené Brown has an incredible Ted.com talk titled The Power of Vulnerability.  About a year ago I watched this for the first time,  and it really opened my mind to what comes natural to kids. The funny thing, as we start getting older and older and we start getting emotionally hurt, we start to close ourselves off from the others. We sometimes open ourselves to new lovers and special friends, but very often communication breaks down even in our closest relationships.

Just say someone says something to you that unintentionally rubs you the wrong way. Instead of just forgiving this person for the honest mistake, our tendency is to get all pissed off and hold that grudge. Think about this. We would rather put our energy towards holding that grudge instead of keeping our relationship strong. We snap back at that person or say something in a condescending way. This makes it hard for the other person to just apologize, offer to mend that pain, and to not let this misunderstanding drive us apart.

This stuff happens all the time. There’s nothing wrong with sharing our displeasure with the person for what what was said. It’s a great thing to let that person know that you were hurt by what was said or done. Why is it just so hard to open up to others and tell the person what is on your mind instead of losing control of our emotions?

In Chapter 64 of the Doctrine and Covenants book from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are a couple of verses that explain forgiveness very well. Sharing these is not an invitation to debate of the legitimacy of these Scriptures; just read these words and find the message:

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

What these verses are saying is that we should always forgive others. It does not say that it is easy. The message that I receive is that forgiveness is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Forgiveness is not for the other person; it is a blessing for you. The quicker you let go of this poison you are ingesting the quicker you can again let happiness into your lives. God wants you see you happy. He gives commandments to help you find peace and happiness in your lives.

Brené Brown’s other talk, Listening to Shame, brings her previous talk full-circle. It is because of shame that we are afraid to be vulnerable. She says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” We are afraid to do what we truly want out of fear that others may judge us. We are afraid to just be ourselves. We are just afraid. Forget that. If you follow your heart, you will never allow anyone to shame you again!

The point I was making in the beginning is that we are afraid to just talk from the bottom of our hearts. It is so often that people waste their time and others’ time with fluff talk. No one cares about the weather. Who are you? What makes you special? What are your fears? What are you trying to do to make yourself a better person?

For so long I have avoided the use of the phrase “How are you?” when meeting a stranger. We do not know each other. It is hard to have a genuine interest in the other person at that point. When strangers ask me how I am doing, they usually get weirded out when I give an honest answer. Then I get puzzled as to why the person asked a personal question if the person was not looking for a personal answer.

When dealing with relationships with friends, family, and loved ones, there is almost always some type of hurt at one point. From then on forward there is usually a little less willingness to open our hearts to them again. I am not saying it is easy to forgive and move on, but that absence of forgiveness prevents you from being open and honest with each other.

At that point what is the point of keeping that relationship going? You are wasting your time and the other person’s time. Your most valuable asset is time. It cannot be replaced once wasted. If you are not going to value and honor that time enough to get past the hurt and be true to one another, then what is the point?

Somehow we have to find a way to heal ourselves from all the pains in our lives. We owe it to our friends, family, and loved ones. These pains are our problems. Yes, the other person may have caused that pain. We may have been the victim in that moment. However, going forward, we are responsible to manage our emotions. When we do not forgive, the other person is now the victim of our cruelty.

The sad thing is I know people will disagree with some of the words I have written. We are so wrapped up in these backward ways of doing things that doing what is right now sounds backward. This also holds true with proper grammar. In our culture we are just now so used to text and ghetto-talk that we miss basic mistakes. When a more knowledgeable person tries to correct us, their suggestions sound foreign and we get defensive of what we wrote / said.

I remember one friend I had up through high school. We called his family “The Happy Family.” That is just so stupid. If they get along and did not disrespect each other, why did we have to point that out as if they were weird? If anything, we should have all aspired to be just like them.

I cannot control others. I can live my life the way I want to. I can surround myself with others who want to have a solid, deep relationship with me. I am not saying that there is something wrong with acquaintances. However, we need to do everything we can to honor the relationships we have with friends, family, and loved ones.

Image originally hosted at mywedding.com

You might say, “But Jimmy; you’re not perfect. You have held grudges. You have not always had an open heart in your dealings with friends, family, and loved ones. Who are you to judge me?” I am not trying to judge anyone. After straying away from the way I want to live, I am ready to be a happy person. I am aware of what I need to do. I am still making mistakes; I just made mistakes in this area just this evening.

Acceptance is the first step. Then you can start learning and about what kind of way of being would make you the happiest. Recognizing your mistakes is a great accomplishment. Do not beat yourself up for doing wrong; be happy for yourself that you are on the road to happiness. Fake it ’til you make it!

People will notice you acting differently. Do what you need to do. It is their problem if they do not like this change you are making for yourself and others. Keep plugging away at correcting yourself when you are about to make these mistakes. Eventually you will be breaking your bad habits. I am somewhere on this path. Thank you for supporting me on this journey.

Also, please read the follow-up to this post, “I’m gonna give him a peace of my mind!”

Love,

I chose to live as if. Even if I am facing struggles in certain parts of my life, I still make the conscious decision to not keep living in ways that have not worked. In my experience, when I am going through struggles and it seems I am doing the same things over and over, I love to try something radically new.

Even though I was only doing it here and there for a long time, I have been journaling one way or another since 2010. Within the past few months, I have been trying to write at least once a day. Sometimes I was writing in a set format. Other times I am just taking notes and writing what certain things mean to me when I read them. Most of the time it seems I am doing traditional journaling of whatever is on my mind. As mentioned in a previous post, the biggest blessing from journaling is being able to get out of the box. So many times I thought I was the one who was right. “He was mean.” “She said something that was uncalled for.”

It is not until the thoughts get on paper that the light bulb goes off in my head. It is then when I admit to myself the part I partook in that conflict. It wasn’t all his fault. It wasn’t all her fault. We were both wrong. Yes, one of us started it. Who started it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are both people. We both have feelings. We both were hurt. We both want to feel better. It is up to me, even if the other person was wrong, the right thing to do is to offer an apology for the part I have played. Most importantly, it is my duty to apologize for the way the other person has been feeling due to our conflict.

Last night I wanted to write. So much was on my mind. Later on I had a very long talk with someone. After pondering that conversation, it all hit me today as to what to write about. Even though it’s scary to make myself vulnerable and open myself to whoever reads this, it will make me feel better and help me put my own fears to rest. Everything I write is for myself. However, if I can make a positive difference in whoever reads this, then I will be all the happier.

I am . . . *gasp* . . . imperfect!

Yes, I have been a fuckup. The problem is not what I have done; it is what I have done thereafter. Instead of just being guilty of the situation, I have allowed myself to become shameful. I let myself believe I had become a bad person. “Gone” was that good person inside that so many people love. I was “not deserving” of good things. I was “not deserving” of personal contact. I was “not deserving” of love.

I let that impact the way I lived my life. I let it impact my future choices. Someone not good enough to be loved won’t make good, self-deserving decisions. I let the way others view me as how I should view myself. When it comes down to it, I should only follow my heart. Others opinions are just that–opinions.

I really do appreciate all the great help so many of you have given me. I really appreciate all the great suggestions so many of you have offered. However, there is only one person who has to live with the decisions that I have made. While I am grateful for your good intentions and desire to see me happy, no one knows how I feel better than me. Please do not feel hurt or take offense had I not followed your advice, even if you felt so strongly that you knew what was best for me. What I need from others more than anything is an ear to listen and your support. If you love me you will honor my request.

I am not going to go into detail, but here’s a diagram to outline the basics of collusion and why messages spread through gossip and hearsay are worthless:

The message was already distorted by colluding people. Then, the distorted, one-sided story was shared among people who were never witnesses in the first place. Then hearsay and that distorted, one-sided story became “fact” in the mind of both people. This has further driven people away from each other.

I want to apologize to everyone. If you are reading this then you have been impacted by things going on in my life. The purpose of this post is NOT to talk about these happenings. However, I would like to come clean about a few things in my life.

I have been guilty of partaking in collusion as outlined above. I have been guilty of whining like a little bitch. I am sorry to have been a burden on so many of you. I wish I had been more of a man with the way I had handled things. For so long I played the victim role. I was inadvertently fighting the very things I was trying to create in my life.

I am sorry that I was so needy to so many of you. I am sorry that have raised my voice. I am sorry that I have used curse words while being angry. I am sorry that I have been destructive. I am sorry that I was selfish. I am sorry that I was hypocritical. I am sorry for not following through with my promises. I am sorry for letting my own sadness and self-esteem issues bring others down with me.

Ultimately, everything I have done in my life has been with the best of intentions. Just like you, I am human. I am prone to mistakes. I also have feelings. My feelings are almost always positively influenced.

I have been blessed with the gift of clarity. I don’t understand everything just yet. However, so much more makes sense to me. I am ready for true happiness. I have chosen to be a man. I have chosen to forgive everyone for anything you have done to hurt me. It is not always easy letting go of the pain, but making that decision is the most important step in that process.

I have decided to take some unplanned time off of work soon. Nothing is set in stone, but I will get away from life, do a lot of journaling, do a lot of writing, see a lot of great places, and of course take tons of photographs!

Thank you to everyone who has cared for, supported, and loved me. My heart really goes out to you. Please be patient as I continue to grow into being the best Jimmy I can be!

Love,

December 24, 2012

Dear family and friends,

Earlier tonight my buddy Chad Bennet from Church had sent me a text. Not long before he had typed up a really long post, bearing his testimony and sharing with everyone what Christmas means to him. It was really moving, which prompted me to send him a message thanking him. Inspiration for this post comes from what I had sent him.

What does Christmas mean to me? Every single year many of the same thoughts keep going through my mind, although I’m exposed to new ideas each new year. One thing that has bothered me is seeing the Salvation Army out in front of the front doors of major stores. Please hear me out on this. Their cause is wonderful. The volunteers have a heart of gold, especially the ones spending hours in the colder climates. However, where is this wonderful organization the rest of the year? If their mission is so important, why don’t they care enough to ring their bells in June or July? Based on this small yet important facet of the image they portray, those people only are in need just before Christmas.

Even though I will end up making more money this year than I ever have, I barely bought any Christmas gifts. Things have become so commercialized. Christmas is about family. Christmas is about really giving of yourself. Christmas is about the birth of our savior and redeemer, Jesus Christ. Here’s a great quote by Thomas S. Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

There is no better time than now, this very Christmas season, for all of us to rededicate ourselves to the principles taught by Jesus the Christ. It is the time to love the Lord our God with all our heart—and our neighbors as ourselves. It is well to remember that he who gives money gives much, he who gives time gives more, but he who gives of himself gives all. Let this be a description of our Christmas gifts.

Even though I am against the commercialization of Christmas and the pressure placed on those in our society to spend until we are in debt, just to avoid being shamed, I surely do enjoy giving of myself to others. Because of not making myself vulnerable enough to really get to know the people closest to me, I have struggled to know what to buy for them. Hopefully, the lesson that I can take from this is that I need to do anything necessary to get to know these people better. I need to ask the right questions. I need to find their needs.

For some of these people many miles separate us. It makes giving of my time quite a challenge. Maybe I can find a way to give of myself. That really takes a lot of heart, pondering, and praying for answers.

I really struggle with how others see me. Normally it does not make a difference to me. However, I am a giver, a provider, and a lover. I really feel the need to share my love with others. When I stuggle to find ways to share my love or to get people to accept my gifts of love, I easily get frustrated. Of the four major types of “boxes” of justification for conflict, I am most prone to get stuck in the The Must-Be-Seen-As Box:

View of myself:  need to be well thought of, fake
View of others:  judgmental, threatening, my audience
Feelings:  anxious, afraid, needy, stressed, overwhelmed
View of the world:  dangerous, watching, judging me

The best thing to do is to stop thinking about doing things. As Yoda said, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” We are rewarded for taking action, even if it is a rushed action, resulting in mistakes. You learn so much more from your mistakes than from the frustrations you incur when dwelling on action but doing nothing instead.

Now that I have that stuff out of the way, let’s move onto some real “Change” and “Hope.” In our society we have created so many bad habits for ourselves. When there is conflict in our lives, names are called. Accusations are made. Comparisons are made. Talking-down is done. In split seconds we find ways to justify our wrongdoings. That person did this. This person said that. That person is just lazy. This person just does not care. That person is just rude.

We all are people. We all have feelings. We all have needs. Even that person that hurt you is hurting inside. Think of the person who last hurt you. Could you imagine if he / she apologized to you and wanted to work things out with you. Let’s turn things around. What’s stopping you from taking this step in the conflicts in your life?

Gratitude is the source of happiness. You have nothing to be happy about if you feel no gratitude. I beat gratitude to death on recent posts, so we don’t need to elaborate this time. For now, think of those conflicts in your life. These people came into your life for some good reason or another. Otherwise you would have never been friends, family, or a couple. Stop, write down a list of the reasons you are truly blessed for knowing those people. Read those lists out loud to yourself. You will find the heart to reach out to those people. Let go of the booby prize, which is pride / hurt. Once you’ve done that, you can claim your grand prize: a healthy, loving, meaningful relationship!

I had a lot of really crappy things happen this year. Then again, I have had some incredible blessings that I would have otherwise never dared imagine! It all comes from perception. Please read this great article, Looking for the Good by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. You will find what you are looking for. If your attitude sucks, you will find all the bad things in your life. If you really go off the deep end, you will sound like the lady described by Zig Ziglar in his talk, Attitude Makes All the Difference. Here’s a great, concise quote by Charles Dickens to help you understand this concept “Reflect upon your present blessings of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes of which all men have some.”

Thank you for putting up with my long-winded ramblings. There is a point to this all. It’s all part of where I have been. The journey is not to be discounted when considering the destination. Here’s where it all happens.

The year 2012 has been such an amazing journey! In January I moved over to the Customer Development Team at work. I now work just down the street from home. I get to express my gratitude to 50-100 of my company’s customers each day. Oftentimes they really don’t want to talk. Fortunately, each day I am given many opportunities to really make a difference in their accounts. Additionally, I won a three-day trip to Las Vegas, an NFL jersey, a $1,000.00 Costco shopping spree (scored a new camera!), and then won $1,000.00 at our Holiday Party! I apologize if I appear to brag; I am just so full of gratitude that I cannot contain myself!

July brought with it a two-week cross-country drive to Chicago! I got to spend time with my family in Missouri and Illinois. I even spent two days in a row in Downtown Chicago. I really love road trips, so this is something that Laura and I have been talking about doing since we first began dating in 2008!

Also, since 1998 I had not gone camping. I got to go twice up in Payson, AZ! That was such a nice break from work! Plus, both trips involved so many great people from my Church.

Yes, I have gone through a lot of struggles this year. So many people have tried to give me advice of what to do. Just like how I want to help others that I love, you too have tried to help me. There is no way that I can take everyone’s advice. I am not to be drawn and quartered! Ultimately, I am the one who needs to live with my choices. Thank you for all the time you spent listening to me. Thank you for your kind words of support. Thank you for your love.

Out of struggles come the lights at the end of those tunnels. I just want you to know that those lights are shining so brightly upon me. With so many of these journeys I have already reached the destination. However, with the others, I can already see my destination in the near distance! With those struggles comes growth! I have become such a stronger and wiser person.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I have practiced so many bad habits for so long. Just like a former alcoholic, that ice-cold beer looks so good, even though the associated memories of destruction come with that refreshment. Luckily I am able to recognize my yellow light behaviors, get outside of the box, and usually I do the right thing. I am truly grateful for your patience.

I am who I am because of me. I have an unquenchable fire inside of me that is raging out of control! However, so many of you have been incredible models of who I want to become. Additionally, I have had some truly amazing people in my formidable years who laid down the groundwork: my family!

Mom in the early 1990s with Santa after volunteering for pictures with Santa

Dad, Laura, and Me on Christmas morning in 1980

Santa Claus contemplating making all my dreams come true!

This year we have all worked hard towards being the best people we can be. Let’s not lose sight of that. Be kind to one-another. Love unconditionally. Other than the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, those are the main reasons for Christmas.

If you are reading this, please know that I love you and value the contributions you have made in my life. Merry Christmas!

Love,