So much good happening in my life, yet self-sabotage keeps getting in the way.

So much has happened since my last post. I almost do not even want to write this. I miss writing so much. I have barely written in my journal. I used to write daily. I have barely touched Bonds That Make Us Free or Daring Greatly. I have barely picked up my camera. I have barely gone hiking. My performance at work has not been as good as normal.

Recently so much has happened in my life. After just under three years of investigating, on June 1, 2013 I was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. From what I learn from the Church, The Arbinger Institute, and Brené Brown, I have been blessed with an immense sense of clarity. My mind has been able to process solid solutions very quickly. I am able to finally really listen to people. Sometimes it even means dismissing the words coming out of their mouths and instead focusing on what I hear coming from their hearts.

After all this great stuff, I have continued to avoid doing the things I want to do. To learn a bit more, please check out this post from Forward Walking about self-sabotage. Also, Brené Brown talks about this a lot when discussing the topic of shame. “You are not good enough to make those sales.” “You do not deserve to write in your journal or blog.” “You do not deserve to spend some time to get your dishes or laundry done.” This is killing me. What good is it to have all these great gifts and clarity if I am going to toss it away by not honoring what makes me happy?


I am selling myself short. I can be making more money. I can be putting aside time to plan meals and finances. I can go out shooting pictures. I can go out hiking. I am not reading. I am not writing.

It seems like reading and writing is what fuels my soul. I need to just stop all the running around.  The lyrics from More Love by The Dixie Chicks come to mind:

We’re afraid to be idle
So we fill up the days
We run on the treadmill
Keep slavin’ away
’til there’s no time for talkin’
About trouble in mind
And the doors are all closed
Between your heart and mine

Today is June 16, 2013. Today I stop choosing to hold myself back from the things I want. Great. I have been able to be very giving to others. I am useless to them if I do not do good for myself. I will have nothing to give to others if I am not whole.

Either I am going to do this 100% or just give up, and I am not exactly in the mood to give up!